Since I was a little girl I have wanted to write music and sing.
Jem, the 80's pink-haired rockstar, barbie-esque cartoon was one of my heroes. My mom would spray paint Heather (my childhood best friend) and my hair hot pink with washable dye (all my girls raised in the 80's know what I'm talking about!) and Heather and I would sing and dance on top of the dining room table.
I adored Tiffany, Paula Abdul, and (most of all) Madonna. Adored her. As a third grader, I would rock the side ponytail, eye shadow on one eye, and huge star earrings. Oh the 80's... I was in a singing group with my friends in first grade called the Triple A's, and we wrote songs and performed dance routines. Yes, life was good and I was destined to be a rockstar.
This has always been a (not so secret anymore) dream of mine.
So you can imagine my disapointment when my fourth grade choir teacher told me I wasn't in pitch while auditioning for the choir. I got the message ~not good enough~ and from this one tiny comment, I put this dream into the realm of silliness, of fantasy, or thought maybe I would just come back as a musician in another life.
The last couple of years, the desire to sing and write songs has resurfaced and I'm not sure what to do with it or what it means. But I do realize, that all of these years I mistook not being perfect with don't bother even trying. I thought it was a joke, a pipe dream, and that I should basically lock away my desire to sing and write songs.
However, that's not true. If there is a love put in our hearts, a dream, it is not up to us to decide how good it is or what it is worth. It is not up to us to be perfect. Because beyond perfectionism lies the doorway to our greatness. In order to be great, we have to be willing to be good, and be willing to be just okay, and even be willing to suck.
What holds me back in life is perfectionism. When I listen to that voice, nothing is ever-and I mean ever-good enough. So why try, why even attempt it if I won't measure up? What's the point? Any of this sound familiar?
A recent realization is that perfectionism and procrastination work hand in hand. The "I'll never be good enough" voice prompts the procrastination to say, "try it tomorrow... do it later, later, later..." until we postpone our dreams, deepest longings, and heart's desires to another time. When? The time is now! What else do we have??
Last year, a friend and very talented musician, Anthea, sold me this beautiful instrument called a harmonium. For over a year now, I have contemplated putting my songs to music, but to do this I need to learn the harmonium instead of allowing it to collect dust. I've considered it, and then thought, I'm too busy starting a company. I'll do it later... always later. Well I'm done doing it later! I've reached out to a few teachers and am signing up for lessons. I'm going to commit to doing it, and to writing songs and singing, because if not now, when?
The only thing stopping me is me. I'm done putting the brakes on and saying, "there isn't enough time," because the truth is, that there is always enough time to follow our dreams, to listen to our truth, and to express our heart.
What is it that you want to do if you didn't have to be perfect? Maybe it's designing clothes, or being a pilot, or working with exotic animals, or traveling to Thailand, or being a mother, or writing poetry, or going back to school. Whatever it is, we all have dreams inside that our hearts wait for us to believe in. Wait for us to listen, wait for us to just go for it.
Who cares if you suck, if nobody listens, if it doesn't change the world? It will change you. When you change, the world indeed changes for the better. No more sitting on the sidelines saying, "one day." The time is now. We truly have nothing to lose but our fear. We can go beyond perfectionism and come home to our truth.
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